Having lost a loved one, the holidays will never be the same.  That’s a fact!---but there are ways to cope that will help.  Some family rituals may hold too much pain to complete during the first several years after a loss.  This is the time to consider trying something new.  Several individuals I have worked with felt that it was too much of a chore to decorate for the holidays. Several years on now, they are, indeed, decorating and carrying on in memory of their loved one. 
  
We all get trapped in what we are “supposed” to do or “ought to do”.  Don’t feel obligated to decorate, bake, entertain, send cards, etc. unless you find joy in doing any of these.  Don’t overextend yourself during the holidays.  Be cautious about what you agree to take on as you may become overwhelmed and unable to complete commitments.  Take it easy.  Your family and loved ones will understand.

The first Christmas after my husband died, the kids took over and it was good to be somewhere else but home over that holiday.  He was there with us, however, as the children talked to their children about their “Paw Paw’s” love of Christmas and his great culinary skills.  In the past 15 years, we have established new rituals.  I started putting up a Christmas tree again after the second anniversary of his death as I remembered how he loved that ritual and it was fun to see the grandchildren’s delight.  Sometimes old holiday rituals are comforting after a death and sometimes they are not.  Continue them only if they feel good to you. 

May your holidays be filled with love, laughter, and fond memories.